a grateful heart

I have received my teacher manuals for homeschooling the Livesay bunch, and, I must say, the pictures are hilarious. Really.

I keep forgetting to throw my extra bonnets into my suitcase. Write that down, Viv.

A woman from my church, Kim, works for this company, Cranium Kids. CK works with preschoolers and school-age kids with technology and how to use it to increase understanding of material and general intelligence. They have programs starting with 2 yr olds (Tech Tots... how cute is that?) and go up from there. The results are amazing. Kids are constantly surrounded by computers these days, and learning at an early age with help them forever. WAY TO GO KIM AND NATALEE.

Anyway, they asked me to work one of their camps, and I learned how to do claymation and teach kids how to do it. If you know me well/at all, I'm not the most technology-savvy young woman out there. It was a funny sight for sure. Well, Natalee (the founder of CK) discovers that I'm working to take money with me to Haiti and why I'm moving down there. She asks about the kids and their ages and the subjects I'm going to be teaching them, etc. Natalee then donates software to help them understand basic subjects in a fun way... like Arthur's Reading Race (that super cute aardvark) and I Spy, Jr. and Dr. Seuss' Fun with Numbers. And she is giving me some games for the younger Livesays: Phoebe, Lydia, Annie and Noah, who aren't even my responsibility! I didn't even ask for them. She just told me during lunch that she was going to give me a gift before I finished on Thursday and that it was something she really wanted to do.

God is good. He knew (of course) that the only thing I was nervous about was being a good enough teacher for these awesome kids. I mean, seriously, the Livesays are trusting me with their kids' education here. Insane right? Well, just when I have the lowest self-confidence ever, here comes a swift kick to the butt to remind who is in control. Ahh. He is terrific.

So, thanks to Natalee and Kim for two great weeks and for all the brilliant software that will help me be a better teacher. Isaac and Hope will thank them too, I'm sure... although Paige might be sad she didn't get any fun games. I will have to figure something else out for a freshman! :)

CHANGE

I am moving to Haiti on August 29th to help out an awesome family... the Livesays. I will be homeschooling three of their wonderful children and working with Heartline Ministries whenever they tell me to.

This is totally different than what I planned to do this fall, which was grad school in El Paso. However, that is exactly why everything has changed: MY PLANNING. Not God's. Yes, multiple doors were opened for me in EP, and part of me was so ready to be there. To help people on the border and become completely bilingual and get a foot in the EP med school. To experience a completely different life in the same state. To become an adult.

When I graduated in May I had an odd pit in my stomach, like the feeling you get when everything isn't right, or how you know something big is about to happen and you have no control over it, or just living in the dust of Jesus' feet and having previous knowledge of inner peace... and that peace no longer being there. The absence of calm. The absence of control.

I am, in no way/shape/form, a control freak. According to my parents, I generally 'fly by the seat of my pants.' But this decision was different. Was special. Was only made through God's grace and amazing power to change hearts. Like the way Buckner is donating SIX MONTHS of health insurance, which would normally be $618 a month and would have prevented me from going. Or the way my parents, who were skeptical and didn't understand my reasons and my complete turn around from desiring grad school to desiring a completely different life, have supported me and helped me in decoding the desires God has placed in my heart vs. the desires of my human heart. Or the way an American doctor goes to church with the Livesays and can help me out if anything lupie happens while I'm there. Or the way God has answered all my prayers and showed me so many times that He wants me there.

I went to Lubbock in early July, before this move was a sure thing, to tell my friends and ask for prayer and say goodbye for a year, just in case. I learned 3 things up there: 1) Amanda, a friend I met this past year and instantly connected with, helped build the Heartline clinic with her church group; 2) Kendal, another friend I had to wait until my last semester to meet, went to Haiti on a mission trip, loved it, and is going back; 3) even if every single one of my friends thinks I am insane, which is probable, they are super excited for me. God used that trip in so many ways. I knew I wanted to go, but I just needed confirmation that it was the right decision for me, at the right time, with the right family, in the right country. You know, just right. And He gave it to me. Not just through those 3 things but through prayer too.

So, I'm leaving this great state of Texas and moving to Port-au-Prince, into a guest house with plenty of room and internet. COME visit. You won't get kidnapped or beat up or whatever else the U.S. government wants you to believe about Haiti. Sure, it can be dangerous. Yes, I'm going to stick out because I'm the color of a ghost. BUT if this is what God wants, and I am 187% positive it is, then I am in the safest place in the world.

Learning

First of all, super big CONGRATULATIONS to Mandy and Brandon on the arrival of Andy Earl! The cell phone picture from Christen was so handsome and I can't wait to meet him for real!

After graduating college, I returned home to a new and different world. Few of my friends are around Dallas, and the ones that are here (for summer or live here permanently) have drastically changed in ways that I didn't see from Lubbock. Maybe I've grown up and changed. Or maybe I haven't changed and they have. I don't know, but I don't like it. I'm lonesome around here. But that will quickly change because...

Adrienne is coming back home! She gets here on Thursday! Yes. Finally.

I finished my first week of EMT classes on the wrong side of the teacher. Whoops. It is one of the easiest classes I have ever taken. I guess after Genetics of Microorganisms, most stuff will feel like a breeze!

Clinton is getting married this weekend. Weird. I grew up thinking he would marry Christen (ha) and he has found the perfect woman for him... Courtney! Congrats. I will be making the horrific drive to Midland with Christen and my fam... yep. Eleven hours of wedding bliss. But I am happy to go for a great friend!

So I'm considering not going to UTEP in the fall and moving to the border to do mission work. I will have my certification so I could work in a clinic or a hospital or on an ambulance crew. Whatev. I could take classes online to get my Masters... I just don't know. Part of me just isn't ready to start my graduate career yet, because once I move to a place where I want to go to med school, it's at least a four year commitment. And I'm single, not a parent, and only 21. So if I'm going to do something drastic and completely different for a year, now is the time to do it!

To end this saga for now, I'm summer job hunting. So if you hear of anyone hiring for nights and weekends let me know! Please!

Off to study and cough out a lung (bronchitis for the third time this year) -Viv

Donesky

Tech=0. Vivien=5, almost 6

I have begun my final semester at Texas Tech University, and I am taking absolutely zero science classes. My schedule goes like this... feel free to be completely jealous :)

Tuesdays/Thursdays: 9:30 Gendered Lives with my boss as the prof

11 Intro to Creative Writing, Service-Learning Edition

12:30 Business and Professional Communication (glorified speech class)

2 Intro to Drama 

Wednesdays: 1 Karate... yep, I'm serious. 

Annnnnd that's it! I only have one final to take during finals week. Oh leaving easy classes for my last semester has been one of the best decisions of my life.

I'm taking the GRE on January 30th and then, hopefully, will be going to UTEP in the fall for their International Public Health masters program. I"m super excited but am also still looking at other international PH programs around the country... maybe I need to get out of Texas for awhile? El Paso is as far as you can get and still be in the state, but I'm keeping my options open!

I am counting down the days until the Denver conference. My project is going to be really neat. I will post pictures, I promise!

Also happening in April... the Walk for Lupus Awareness! It's the last Saturday in April and is a 5k in Farmers Branch at 9. My team is Vivien's Valiant Voyagers... much to Amanda Brock's dismay. I think it is cute and very me, so whatever Mandy! Get over it! Anyway, anyone can join the team, walk, donate, or walk and donate! My team's website is here, and you can either sponsor me, my mom, whoever else joins between now and the time you donate, or the team in general. Or you can join the team and get other people to donate! It's whatever! I would love for you to walk with me and my family and friends. Plus, you get a t-shirt! :) Amanda said she is the chief financial officer... so I guess if you have questions I would ask her! Love you Mandy.

I miss Gabriel and Carina and Axel and Lily and Johnathan and Andrea and Sander... and everything else that is Guatemala to me. Two of my greatest friends are not in the US right now, and I just feel so jealous of them. I know Christ has me in the states until He has prepared me for wherever He tells me to go, but sometimes I wish He would tell me already and give me an open door to get there. And if He is going to tell me to stay put, I wish He would go ahead and tell me so I can begin the heart-healing process. Ahh, I've just been thinking about the future so much since I'm about to be a college grad! I still can hardly believe it.

I'm starting to run... which is something I have loved in the past but haven't been able to in the present. It feels so exhilarating the day after, when your muscles are sore but you feel good about yourself for actually increasing your healthiness! My knees are killing me though, so that's the only downside. Oh well.

Doctor appointment on January 28th. Hopefully everything will be okay. My meds aren't working right now, so yay for an increase in toxins entering my body after that day!

Well, it's journal time... yes, I have to journal everyday as part of the creative writing process. Haha I don't have anymore ridiculously hard science classes but I have tons of busy work! 

I'm going home the weekend before my birthday, so if you are going to be in the Dallas area let me know! 

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Strawberry Chapstick

I should be finishing a 15-page paper right now about auxiliary chromosomes... whatever.

Spencer is married. No huge blowups or family meltdowns occurred that weekend, which was a miracle. I didn't get to run around the bases or sing karaoke, but that's okay. 

I'm applying to UTEP's Masters program in Public Health, with an emphasis in International Health and Border Issues. Sounds right up my alley, right? I cannot wait. I know absolutely no one in El Paso so it will be an adventure!

School is difficult, and I have two classes that I'm close to failing. I've never been in this position before, where a final can make or break me. If I do fail those two, Molecular Biochemistry and Genetics of Microorganisms, I will have to retake them in the spring = I won't graduate on May 9th. Once again though, God is control. If I need to graduate in August instead then that's what I will do. It will suck but I can handle it.

The lupus monster is kinda out of control right now, which is terrific around finals time... but maybe that is why he is disrespecting my body so much! Ha. I started on a low dose on methotrexate, which is a weird form of chemotherapy, and it should help me feel better... the week AFTER finals. Meh, I can deal, especially if I have plenty of strawberry chapstick on standby.

I got my senior ring last Monday, and my mom and little brother and friends from back home came to the ceremony. It was great. And as soon as I put the big clunker on my finger I finally felt some distant love for my future alma mater. It was strange. Tech is growing on me, which is sad since I'm about to leave.

I got invited to present at a conference in Denver in April, which I am so so so pumped about. I have never been up there so should be interesting. People keep telling me they think I belong in Colorado, so I guess I will see if I do in April!

I TALKED TO AMANDA BROCK today. She has been starving in the jungle for too long. I'm so glad she is back with a toilet and a working shower. Love you Mandy. And yes, it is true that I voted for John McCain, but only because Obama is okay killing innocent babies. That was the breaking point for me.

Alright, happy thanksgiving and merry Christmas everyone. Don't spend too much money on my present... :)

You are the light that is leading me 

to the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength that keeps me walking, 

You are the hope that keeps me trusting.

You are the life to my soul, You are my purpose, You are everything.

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?

Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, You give me rest.

You hold me in Your hands, You won't let me fall.

You still my heart, and You take my breath away.

Would You take me in, would You take me deeper now?

You're all I want, You're all I need, You are everything.

-Lifehouse Everything