L-O-S-T

No, not the show. 

After praying about CEM, picturing myself living in northern California (which I definitely can) counseling girls that have gone through so much pain and suffering, thinking/worrying about not getting paid for a year even with a bachelor's degree... that door has closed. It is an amazing program and the work they do is so important in the kingdom of God; however, if I am really trying to find God's will and follow it, I don't think it leads me to CEM. And I"m trying to be okay with that.

I wish I could be an EMT and work overseas for a year. Or work at Parkland for a year and live at home until I leave for med school. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do, and that sucks. And I need to figure it out before december 1st, when tons of grad school applications are due. That means I have exactly 2 weeks to decide so I have time to asks profs for letters of recommendation... go ahead and shoot me now! Actually that might work, if someone would shoot me in the left knee and i could go ahead and that one replaced and save me tons of pain! Ok, that's the new plan for now.

I'm ready to leave Lubbock/Tech behind, but not the people I know and love that will still be here after I graduate. I think maybe that's why this is so hard. I am having to decide this way before any of my friends are, and again, it sucks. But whatever, another lightbulb might turn on in my head and this time it will be God flipping the switch instead of me searching for a quick answer! That sounds mature right?

Oh, I'm not engaged/dating anyone right now. So, when I get the usual "Oh my, and you're graduating in May?" question/look, it is getting hard to not reply with an "up yours." But, I understand that my view of God, and His ability to not fit in people's little narrow-minded boxes, is so much better than what they think I should do with my life. Do I have to be attached to a member of the male species for God to do work through me? NO. Plain and simple. Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes to how much bigger You are than my lack of romance and inability to see why so many Christian women think they are incomplete without a man by their sides. And He is working on me so that I can talk to them without thinking how ridiculous they are and how they just don't get the glory of Christ. Jesus is working in me and I'm letting Him for once, which feels pretty good.

Study time. Biochemistry and Borders, Boundaries, and Militarization. I shall return after the wedding shenanigans and will definitely have stories to tell... get excited!