General Disappointment and Discouragement

You have my heart, and I am Yours forever. You are my strength, God of grace and power. And everything You hold in Your hand... still you make time for me- I can't understand.

Praise you, God of earth and sky, how beautiful is Your unfailing love. And You never change, God, You remain the holy one... and my unfailing love.

What can take a dying man, raise him up to life again? What can heal the wounded soul, what can make us white as snow? What can fill the emptiness, what can mend our brokenness?

It's a miracle to me, and it's still a mystery... the power of God for those who believe.

I want to know You and the power of Your resurrection, of reflection shining through me. I want to see Your glory burning in my soul forever. Oh Jesus, reveal Yourself to me.

Open my eyes and I will see. Open my heart and I'll believe. Draw me to Your higher ways.

One would think these lyrics to be of some encouragement to a believer going through a rough patch of life; however, it is quite the contrary for Miss V. Ingram.

The people who wrote these songs, and sang them for that matter, were following their call from God to witness through musical and writing abilities. They embraced their gifts and shared them with others. They had the gaul to do it. To step aside from life for awhile and follow whatever path the Lord had set for them to follow.

I bet their fathers had objections, and their mothers shed tears over their possible leave of absence from college. But, I also bet their families supported them in whatever decisions they made. I bet their parents didn't put them in the position I'm currently in.

Maybe I'm wrong... maybe I do need to get my freaking degree so God can use me? Kinda sounds like trash to me. Can't He use everyone who is willing?

And, if that previous statement is true (which I believe it is), and my heart is passionate about foreign missions... should I have to get my degree before being able to do longterm missions work overseas?

Oh, He uses willing hearts for His glory... and "my time will come." I know.

I fully believe my time is now, to not finish college and go serve others. How can I sit here, in Lubbock, for the next two and a half years of my life, knowing that I could be showing God's love to the orphans in Africa or handing out HIV/AIDS supplies and treatment to women in Uganda, Ghana, and Kenya?

Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror, knowing that I'm called to not be in the United States but stuck here anyway?

Yes, I know. Take advantage of the opportunities God has given you right now. Be the witness at Freebirds, where every other word uttered is a cuss word. Where no religious shirts or foil art is permitted. Be a witness at Family Promise. Show the homeless people you love them, regardless of their socioeconomic status or current hygiene level. Continue to love your brother. Show God's patience and understanding with your roommate.

He is using me right here. And I probably don't even know how.

But I hate it. I hate obeying when I feel it is completely wrong.

There everyone. That's what I have been struggling with since my last post.

Peace.