Damages

Everyone has chains keeping them connected with the life they lived before Christ opened their eyes and changed them forever. Past struggles and pains have made us into who we are; however, if we truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly believe that Jesus wipes away our past and gives us a new future in Him, why do we continually use our baggage as an excuse to not do what He has called us to do?

I moved to Haiti because I knew God wanted me here for this phase of life. I moved to help a missionary family. I moved because I didn't want to go to grad school and didn't know what I was going to do instead. I moved because I had nothing holding me to Texas anymore... WHATEVER.

I came because it was an easy out. I know, sounds weird/insane to consider moving here 'easy'. My heart was a mess and I didn't want to deal with what was floating inside my head. Really, moving was nothing. I wasn't nervous. I was excited to escape for awhile. To experience something on my own, something no one in my family has done. Something I have dreamed of doing since Mrs. Houser wore her African dress and spoke about learning Swahili during a Vacation Bible School in 3rd grade.

Escape has not come. If anything, Port au Prince has been the opposite. This city makes me see my own depravity in a way I couldn't have at home. Port makes me examine my relationship with Christ everyday and focus on the walls I have built so that I could still hold onto those chains. Granted, if I would have sought out Jesus at home He would've have worked in me and probably shown me the same things about myself. But I didn't do it.

It has taken me five years to get to this point. I still have a tight grip on my luggage, but I'm slowly letting go.

I receive weekly emails from my church in Lubbock and this week's was an intense slap in the face:

"Bitterness is more lethal than betrayal. Betrayal happens to you; bitterness happens in you. Betrayal is what is done by others to you. Bitterness is what you do to yourself. Scripture talks about “the root of bitterness springing up and defiling.” You can recover from betrayal but bitterness is a different story. Many today have experienced betrayal by a mate, friend, co-worker or someone who was a confidant. A relationship turning sour is painful. While Jesus sat and ate with his disciples he made these remarks, “One of you will betray me.” Betray disguised in a kiss - what a blow. Yet Jesus was unfazed by it refusing to become bitter.

'Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don't yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude.' Ephesians 4:31

Bitter-free living, it doesn’t get any better than that. Forgive and cancel the debt. Remove all words of bitterness from future conversations. Stop nursing the grudge. Bitterness won’t leave on its own. You must send it away. Bitterness is overcome by the most powerful “ness” called forgiveness. May your days ahead be marked by joyfulness."

Amen.