And day two begins!

From Hope: "I love Hope, singing senior." She is being extra silly today :) Told me I have the weirdest voice ever.


We did actually get tons of school done today. Lots of giggling and discussing of booty sizes. But we accomplished something.

Day one went very smoothly without the 'big eaters' of the Livesay clan. Mac and cheese, peanut butter sandwiches. Renald peeing on my shirt. Fun times. I think we are doing noodles tonight.

"Time to carboload!" - Michael Gary Scott

Leaving on a jet plane

My house is out of power tonight. Megan and I are sleeping at the Livesay's to try to maintain some sanity before they leave for forever tomorrow. Not forever... only ten days. That's what they say anyway. They are leaving the diapered ones with me and Megan so why return?

This majorly planned, mapped out, Minnesotan journey will be a learning experience. Living in Haiti, speaking minimal Kreyol and helping manage 5 kids. Oh, I'm potty-training Phoebe while they are gone... did I say learning experience already?


Tara is running the marathon on Sunday and has raised over $50k for malnourished Haitian kids. I wish I could be there to cheer her on BUT I am staying here to help the younger ones cheer her on in spirit. The plan is to post a daily update, hopefully with a video, to prove everyone is still alive and wishing for air conditioning.

Pray for Tara and her sister, Tina, as they run on Sunday. Pray for people to keep donating to save even more kids with Medika Mamba. Pray that the Livesays make it to the States in one piece and that they return with a buttload of tootsie rolls. Pray for Paige's speech about Renald at the banquet on Sunday night. And, if you think about, pray for Jerrone, Minuchska, Megan and myself. But only after you have prayed for those before us!

Evening and Morning

I fell asleep with this in my head after the first day, of many, Haiti brought me to tears: "Jesus will hear our hearts, will help our hearts, will visit our hearts; for the voice of the wakeful heart is really the voice of our Beloved, saying, “Open to me.” Holy zeal will surely unbar the door."

A mother, no. A young woman, no. A teenager has an adorable son JP who is a year old and weighs less than a kid's bowling ball. I held JP on Thursday and heard him struggling for each breath. I held him and had this overwhelming feeling that he was going to die in my arms right then. I held him and thought certain people should not procreate. I held him and tried to imagine his life five years from now... until two seconds later I realized he, more than likely, won't be alive in six months. He desperately needs intervention, and I have no power to do that. And that fact, the whole powerless-to-save-him fact, is what made the tears begin to flow. No one can save JP but Christ, no matter how badly we may want to.

I almost lasted a month without breaking down. I was pretty proud of that... until I realized I had been relying on my own strength down here instead of God's. Until I realized that, like everyone else, I too am powerless to save the world.

The following morning, God used my brokenness to send me a few reminders: "My hope lives not because I am not a sinner, but because I am a sinner for whom Christ died; my trust is not that I am holy, but that being unholy, he is my righteousness. My faith rests not upon what I am, or shall be, or feel, or know, but in what Christ is, in what he has done, and in what he is now doing for me."
-quotes from "Morning and Evening: Daily Readings" by C.H. Spurgeon, September 24-25.

Tiny, shiny glass balls

Vivien lost her marbles today.

No, really. Noah dropped an entire bag on the floor of OneStop and everyone looked at me and proceeded to laugh. It was either because the only white woman in the store is crawling on the floor picking up marbles or because none of the kids were helping. Some nice guys helped me... eventually. After all the laughter had subsided of course.

I did get a Toro and Diet Coke out of the deal, so I guess it was worth it.

"Let's throw free will under the bus... but keep witnessing too."

Make any sense to you?

You make it real for me

I don’t understand anything He does in my life. I think if I did, I wouldn’t continually need a Savior… which we all know is definitely not true.



Troy and I talked about the differences between denominations this week, and he finally put into words what I’ve been thinking for a long time without being able to express it: Salvation is a relationship. I was saved, I am saved, I will be saved. I had a relationship with Christ, I have a relationship with Christ, I will have a relationship with Christ. In order to continue a relationship with someone (be it Jesus, a spouse, best friend, etc.) I can’t make a choice to start the relationship and then do nothing to further it. It isn’t a true relationship then.

I know Romans states ‘nothing can separate us from the love of God’, and that several other verses point toward the belief that once a sinner repents and consciously decides to take up Christ’s yoke then nothing can take away that decision; however, Hebrews 6 and Hebrews 10:26-31 say something different. I just don’t think God would have made me the way He did if I only had to make one choice at age 12 and never grow in my knowledge of Him. I have been struggling with the belief in ‘once saved, always saved’ from my southern Baptist upbringing, and I think God shook the cobwebs out of my head and showed me something I hadn’t thought of before. It was pretty cool… and it all happened on a drive through Port au Prince!

I will never have it figured all out, and maybe even my understanding of salvation will change, but for now I am celebrating joyously because God doesn’t expect me to get it! Too bad I had to move to a place with 84% humidity and even higher temperatures to learn that lesson.

I love living in Haiti, regardless of the weather and missing my family and friends back home. I got to be part of a squatting birth on Tuesday and watched God’s miracle of childbirth firsthand. If only Eve hadn’t eaten that fruit…

Hot or cold

So, my choices for a shower are, apparently, as follows:

1. Cold and oh so refreshing with zero water pressure

or

2. Hot and not refreshing at all with terrific-enough pressure to allow me to put conditioner in my hair AND rinse it out, which is a feat in itself

which leaves me in this conundrum…

Why do I care about my shower when I measured a mother’s tummy today that might lose her child? And that it is breaking me apart to not have the knowledge or the equipment to tell her what’s wrong? Or how about the woman who is pregnant and is HIV+ and gained some weight today but still has no hope in her eyes and I can’t do anything to change that? Or the girl who is four years younger than me who is about to become a mom and a woman when she so obviously is not ready?

My battles in this life are so insanely, laughably small compared to what I saw today alone. God is working through Heartline and with these women for sure. I just wish I could heal them all… but then why would they so desperately need Jesus Christ?

The other cheek

This song basically captures my journey in Haiti so far… what I’ve seen, who I’ve held, where I’ve been, what I’ve smelled, what I’ve felt. And I haven’t really done anything yet. God is powerful. What an understatement.

                            

And the problem is this: we were bought with a kiss.
But the cheek still turned, even when it wasn’t hit.
And I don’t know what to do with a love like that.
And I don’t know how to be a love like that.
When all the love in the world is right here among us,
And hatred too. And so we must choose what our hands will do…
Where there is pain, let there be grace.
Where there is suffering, bring serenity.
For those afraid, help them be brave.
Where there is misery, bring expectancy.
And surely we can change; surely we can change something.
And the problem, it seems, is with you and me;
Not the Love who came to repair everything.
Where there is pain, let us bring grace.
Where there is suffering, bring serenity.
For those afraid, let us be brave.
Where there is misery, let us bring them relief.
And surely we can change; surely we can change.
Oh surely we can change something.
Oh, the world’s about to change…
The whole world’s about to change…

Satisfaction.

First day of school: done.

Three kids’ faces: smiling.

Number of times Isaac told me he loved me: 6.

Number of hammer strokes while teaching Hope to read: a billion, give or take.

Prayers of thanksgiving, for sanity, for the kids, for Haiti: same as above.

Day two: ready. Get set. Go.

 

I am glad I am experiencing Haiti with this family. It makes me focus on what’s really important here and helps me see the issues this country faces in a different way. Hard to explain, but just know the Livesays are awesome in general.

Onset to symptoms

Although three members of my Haitian family have malaria, none of the kids beginning school on Monday have it (yet). I’m not sure if they are excited or sad about that. And their teacher doesn’t have it either… I know Paige is praying that changes quickly.

Going over curriculum today. Sounds pretty late right, since I start teaching on Monday? WRONG. I am just waiting on Troy to feel good enough to make my workstation out of Mennonite-approved wood. And for Tara to stop being sick long enough to sew me some new bonnets.

My shower is full of mosquitoes. So even though I want to stay in the cold water for as long as possible, I get bitten multiple times. Current count: 23 and rising. Doesn’t make me want to stay in there past getting all the shampoo out.

HOWEVER, I love this country already. Maybe it’s because I’m surrounded by terrific people. Probably. If only their house doesn’t give me malaria… that will be the true test.

I learned how to do a prenatal exam yesterday. It was fun. Hopefully I can be an asset to Heartline while I’m down here!