From afar

I returned to Dallas last Monday and haven't stopped whirling. Until right now, a week later. Only two weeks left then back to Haiti and the kids I miss sooo much!

Within this first week, I got to enjoy meeting new family and had some official Mema's cinnamon rolls. Received games to bring back to Port and a new scarf... which obviously isn't needed where I live.

Got to see a friend from London and my Marine friend back from a second tour in Iraq/Afghanistan. It was weird: all three of us overseas in such different situations. Cool and good, but weird.

My oldest brother lives at home again, so it has been a fantastic people-watching exercise in my own living room.

I have only had to bite my tongue about 400 times to keep from screaming 'YOU ARE SHALLOW' and 'GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN YOUR VERSION OF HIM'. Four hundred isn't too bad for my town, so I'm counting my blessings.

I saw snow on Christmas Eve and had to wear a sweater to my grandparents' house on Christmas day... a first for me on both accounts. I'm missing my hot weather home.

You're a $%##%*&ary?

I had a Haitian adventure on Saturday.


Corrie and I got into a car with a guy we knew a little bit and a guy we didn't know at all. We told them we just wanted to escape Tabarre for awhile and see different parts of the city. We were gone all day. Went up to the mountains. Walked inside a fort. Stopped in a village and ate plantains. Went somewhere super high and took pictures at sunset. The guys bought us flowers. It wasn't relaxing like we had hoped but it was so much fun.


On one of our stops, we got cokes in a place where missionaries wearing bonnets can be commonly found. Our newly met friend was talking about Haiti and why he loves his country and how he hates going to America, etc. He continues to say, "what, you're a missionary or something?" with some expletives thrown in.

I have never been stared at that hard in my life. Even as a ghost living in Haiti.


We left pretty quickly and piled into his car, only to turn on the radio and have music full of dirt spewing from the speakers.

It was interesting to say the least. Especially when he told us, while speeding through town with no lights on, he wants to become a pastor because "they make the money!"

I bet he hasn't read Pagan Christianity.

We call it "the SUN"

For Paige's 15th birthday, I had the awesome privilege of joining the Livesay fam on the beach. It was gorgeous. Found some dead jellies. Stepped on a sea urchin (I had shoes on... no worries). Swam in crystal blue water. Took funny pictures with Paige and the kids. Smelled beef jerky all day.


Speaking of pictures...

As Paige and I were walking back from another beach, two Asian men were laying in skivvies. These two had been next to the family all day, even in a completely open restaurant the waiter sat us right next to these guys. Anyway, we are walking by and laughing at some bad comment I made, and one of the men calls me over. Asks me to take him and his friend's picture. I stand so the sun isn't blaring but that wasn't good enough for them... the silent one (so far) says "No no no. Get in front of this light. The good light. We call it 'the sun'."


I started choking on laughter and took the picture. Then they wanted a picture with Paige and I, and we happily obliged.

Do I look like I don't speak English? And didn't I answer them when they asked me to take a picture?


Interesting, fun, relaxing day with a beautiful 15 year old and her beautiful family. I am lucky.

Everyone misses Mema...

So, as my contribution to Haitian Thanksgiving, I made my Mema's cinnamon rolls. These rolls could cure cancer (well, I haven't tried that yet) but they are delicious. So tasty that Mema made them for me the week before I moved to Haiti so I could have an early Thanksgiving with her and Pepa. Got it? If I could only eat one thing the rest of my life, I would pick Mema's cinnamon rolls.

Beth found Crisco for me, and my ingredients were all collected. Paige came over to help me on Wednesday night, the ipod was on shuffle, diet coke was in the fridge. Good times had to occur.

Well, I start baking...
1) I only have 6 teaspoons of yeast instead of 9.
2) I only have normal sugar, when the recipe calls for brown sugar too.

I figured I could keep going... how important is yeast anyway? Everything is going good.

Until Paige beats the 4 eggs and pours them into the boiling Crisco, water, sugar, yeast mixture. THE WATER WAS BOILING.

It wasn't her fault. I wasn't completely clear that I had to turn the heat down before adding the eggs.

3) The 4 eggs scrambled in the boiling water. Scrambled eggs.

Most people (OK, everyone) would have given up at this point. Not I. My feelings about these rolls overwhelmed me and took control. Should I have given up? Yes. Did I miss my family immensely? Yes. So I trucked on.



I strained the scrambled eggs out of the very important sugar-yeast mixture and made the dough like nothing was wrong. Stayed up rolling cinnamon rolls and cutting them until 2 in the morning. Put them in the fridge to cool. Then unplugged the fridge so the batteries wouldn't drain (and, therefore, not cool the cinnamon rolls). Got up at 6 to let them rise before baking. Put the UNLEAVENED cinnamon rolls in the oven. Pulled them out. Shed some tears and fed them to the dogs.



Happy Thanksgiving Mema. I tried my best.

Time flies when you're...?

I can distinctly remember walking off the plane in Port au Prince and asking God, out loud, "what the crap am I doing here?"

Now, after births and teaching classes on HIV and first aid and teaching school everyday, I only have a month left before Christmas break.

I have been able to witness so much in so little time.

This week is Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. I am definitely going to miss my Texas (and Iowa) family on Thursday, but the Heartline family is having Thanksgiving at the Buxmans, so I will be in good company.

I am going to hate missing out on black Friday deals though... oh well. My dad will have to go with my mom at 5am Friday. Should be an interesting experience for him.

Please continue praying for Jessica and her mom, Kris. Two great women in need of support, encouragement, love and prayers to Jesus.

-when you're... having fun/having new experiences/meeting new people/learning about Christ/meeting people where they are/ take your pick!

Prayer

My friend Jessica needs as much prayer as possible. Please, please, please.

We were born on the same day, in the same hospital. Went to the same schools growing up. Were in the same drumline.

Jess needs prayer, support, thoughts, good vibes, whatever. Her mom, Kris, needs them too.

Oh America, I don't miss you...

A HUGE waste. How many people would benefit from this money in Dallas alone? The $63 million already raised could help millions of lives on the border, in east Texas, El Paso... not to forget the rest of America and the WORLD.



Things like this make me sick.



I don't miss American 'Christianity'.


Not.one.bit.

I'm searching for a Biblical basis for this monstrosity, but it isn't there. Maybe because Jesus didn't save us to build megachurches to reach people: He wants us to live like He lived...

The Jesus I know wouldn't want it.

School is for suckers

I love my job.

Homesick.

I'm going through a period of missing people. I waited for as long as possible to put up pictures from home in my room here. I made it until Thursday.

It doesn't help when you're sick and your mom is 1795 miles away. I'm getting better though, slowly.

School is going super well, and I love what I do with Heartline on Tuesdays and sometimes Thursdays.


Time for Criminal Minds with Paige and Megan... but they are sitting far away from me!

Damages

Everyone has chains keeping them connected with the life they lived before Christ opened their eyes and changed them forever. Past struggles and pains have made us into who we are; however, if we truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly believe that Jesus wipes away our past and gives us a new future in Him, why do we continually use our baggage as an excuse to not do what He has called us to do?

I moved to Haiti because I knew God wanted me here for this phase of life. I moved to help a missionary family. I moved because I didn't want to go to grad school and didn't know what I was going to do instead. I moved because I had nothing holding me to Texas anymore... WHATEVER.

I came because it was an easy out. I know, sounds weird/insane to consider moving here 'easy'. My heart was a mess and I didn't want to deal with what was floating inside my head. Really, moving was nothing. I wasn't nervous. I was excited to escape for awhile. To experience something on my own, something no one in my family has done. Something I have dreamed of doing since Mrs. Houser wore her African dress and spoke about learning Swahili during a Vacation Bible School in 3rd grade.

Escape has not come. If anything, Port au Prince has been the opposite. This city makes me see my own depravity in a way I couldn't have at home. Port makes me examine my relationship with Christ everyday and focus on the walls I have built so that I could still hold onto those chains. Granted, if I would have sought out Jesus at home He would've have worked in me and probably shown me the same things about myself. But I didn't do it.

It has taken me five years to get to this point. I still have a tight grip on my luggage, but I'm slowly letting go.

I receive weekly emails from my church in Lubbock and this week's was an intense slap in the face:

"Bitterness is more lethal than betrayal. Betrayal happens to you; bitterness happens in you. Betrayal is what is done by others to you. Bitterness is what you do to yourself. Scripture talks about “the root of bitterness springing up and defiling.” You can recover from betrayal but bitterness is a different story. Many today have experienced betrayal by a mate, friend, co-worker or someone who was a confidant. A relationship turning sour is painful. While Jesus sat and ate with his disciples he made these remarks, “One of you will betray me.” Betray disguised in a kiss - what a blow. Yet Jesus was unfazed by it refusing to become bitter.

'Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don't yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude.' Ephesians 4:31

Bitter-free living, it doesn’t get any better than that. Forgive and cancel the debt. Remove all words of bitterness from future conversations. Stop nursing the grudge. Bitterness won’t leave on its own. You must send it away. Bitterness is overcome by the most powerful “ness” called forgiveness. May your days ahead be marked by joyfulness."

Amen.

Let me see that tootsie roll!

The Livesays have returned, and Megan and I are happy. It was fun to be a parent for twelve days, and I even got to be a 1am nightmare comforter, but believe me when I say "Praise Jesus for Troy and Tara."

In their packing expertise, I received: 1. Package from my mom (including raspberry lemonade mixes, tootsie roll pops, Woolite, cartoons, gum, vitamins, granola bars and a sweet card); 2. new underwear!; 3. Halloween candy (which will be used for the tiny Livesay fam October 31st celebration... I'm not totally selfish); 4. a Minnesotan apple, which Tara claims is the best apple on Earth; 5. Spanish textbooks (also from my mom); 6. MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TOOTSIE ROLLS. I'm talking over 250 chocolate delights that I will consider sharing with the right person.

I'm in a great mood! And I watched the newest Office episode and almost wet my pants laughing so hard... watch it. Please. You will be in tears.

A dance video is being put together from the past two weeks... it will be uploaded when the internet decides to cooperate. WELCOME BACK: Troy, Tara, Paige, Isaac, and Noah! Enjoy changing diapers again! :)

Was that Renald?

I spend very little time at my house right now, but when I am here, Renald is too. He generally runs around the table, dragging stickers behind him, and cries. However, last night a funny thing happened...

He farted. Not just a quiet, little fart. A huge one. Megan and I laughed for an extended period of time. He didn't know what do, so he started running around and screaming. It was hilarious. Turns out it wasn't just noise. Oh well. Worth the laugh.

I began the potty-training adventure whole-heartedly, only to be annihilated by Phoebe's uncanny way of not answering questions. She understands what to do, and has even used the toilet successfully multiple times; however, once toilet water has been splashed all over the floor, myself, and her monkey, I have hit my limit. Yes, I hate changing her massive poopy diapers... but Tara and Troy return on Friday and it won't be my job anymore. :) Goodbye $100. I got close.

Today was fun. Hope read half of One Fish, Two Fish before lunch and did a terrific job. She is super excited to see the fam return. I did her hair today... it is interesting. She loves it though, so I guess I did okay.

We danced, we ate, we jumped, we watched Criminal Minds, we played dress-up, we took silly pictures, and we didn't poop in the toilet.

Diri

Hope is learning to appreciate classic movies this week. And we are beginning with my favorite: Hitchcock's Rear Window.

In other news, Lydia is herself this week. She probably misses her parents but she is not showing it.


Teaching is going very well with just Hopie. We get to spend extra time with reading and she is super pumped to read a book to Tara and Troy when they get back!

I'm trying to figure out my post-Haiti future. Not because I want to but because health insurance wants me to. So, I need some prayer. Thanks in advance.

Leaving you with some Livesay fun...

And day two begins!

From Hope: "I love Hope, singing senior." She is being extra silly today :) Told me I have the weirdest voice ever.


We did actually get tons of school done today. Lots of giggling and discussing of booty sizes. But we accomplished something.

Day one went very smoothly without the 'big eaters' of the Livesay clan. Mac and cheese, peanut butter sandwiches. Renald peeing on my shirt. Fun times. I think we are doing noodles tonight.

"Time to carboload!" - Michael Gary Scott

Leaving on a jet plane

My house is out of power tonight. Megan and I are sleeping at the Livesay's to try to maintain some sanity before they leave for forever tomorrow. Not forever... only ten days. That's what they say anyway. They are leaving the diapered ones with me and Megan so why return?

This majorly planned, mapped out, Minnesotan journey will be a learning experience. Living in Haiti, speaking minimal Kreyol and helping manage 5 kids. Oh, I'm potty-training Phoebe while they are gone... did I say learning experience already?


Tara is running the marathon on Sunday and has raised over $50k for malnourished Haitian kids. I wish I could be there to cheer her on BUT I am staying here to help the younger ones cheer her on in spirit. The plan is to post a daily update, hopefully with a video, to prove everyone is still alive and wishing for air conditioning.

Pray for Tara and her sister, Tina, as they run on Sunday. Pray for people to keep donating to save even more kids with Medika Mamba. Pray that the Livesays make it to the States in one piece and that they return with a buttload of tootsie rolls. Pray for Paige's speech about Renald at the banquet on Sunday night. And, if you think about, pray for Jerrone, Minuchska, Megan and myself. But only after you have prayed for those before us!

Evening and Morning

I fell asleep with this in my head after the first day, of many, Haiti brought me to tears: "Jesus will hear our hearts, will help our hearts, will visit our hearts; for the voice of the wakeful heart is really the voice of our Beloved, saying, “Open to me.” Holy zeal will surely unbar the door."

A mother, no. A young woman, no. A teenager has an adorable son JP who is a year old and weighs less than a kid's bowling ball. I held JP on Thursday and heard him struggling for each breath. I held him and had this overwhelming feeling that he was going to die in my arms right then. I held him and thought certain people should not procreate. I held him and tried to imagine his life five years from now... until two seconds later I realized he, more than likely, won't be alive in six months. He desperately needs intervention, and I have no power to do that. And that fact, the whole powerless-to-save-him fact, is what made the tears begin to flow. No one can save JP but Christ, no matter how badly we may want to.

I almost lasted a month without breaking down. I was pretty proud of that... until I realized I had been relying on my own strength down here instead of God's. Until I realized that, like everyone else, I too am powerless to save the world.

The following morning, God used my brokenness to send me a few reminders: "My hope lives not because I am not a sinner, but because I am a sinner for whom Christ died; my trust is not that I am holy, but that being unholy, he is my righteousness. My faith rests not upon what I am, or shall be, or feel, or know, but in what Christ is, in what he has done, and in what he is now doing for me."
-quotes from "Morning and Evening: Daily Readings" by C.H. Spurgeon, September 24-25.

Tiny, shiny glass balls

Vivien lost her marbles today.

No, really. Noah dropped an entire bag on the floor of OneStop and everyone looked at me and proceeded to laugh. It was either because the only white woman in the store is crawling on the floor picking up marbles or because none of the kids were helping. Some nice guys helped me... eventually. After all the laughter had subsided of course.

I did get a Toro and Diet Coke out of the deal, so I guess it was worth it.

"Let's throw free will under the bus... but keep witnessing too."

Make any sense to you?

You make it real for me

I don’t understand anything He does in my life. I think if I did, I wouldn’t continually need a Savior… which we all know is definitely not true.



Troy and I talked about the differences between denominations this week, and he finally put into words what I’ve been thinking for a long time without being able to express it: Salvation is a relationship. I was saved, I am saved, I will be saved. I had a relationship with Christ, I have a relationship with Christ, I will have a relationship with Christ. In order to continue a relationship with someone (be it Jesus, a spouse, best friend, etc.) I can’t make a choice to start the relationship and then do nothing to further it. It isn’t a true relationship then.

I know Romans states ‘nothing can separate us from the love of God’, and that several other verses point toward the belief that once a sinner repents and consciously decides to take up Christ’s yoke then nothing can take away that decision; however, Hebrews 6 and Hebrews 10:26-31 say something different. I just don’t think God would have made me the way He did if I only had to make one choice at age 12 and never grow in my knowledge of Him. I have been struggling with the belief in ‘once saved, always saved’ from my southern Baptist upbringing, and I think God shook the cobwebs out of my head and showed me something I hadn’t thought of before. It was pretty cool… and it all happened on a drive through Port au Prince!

I will never have it figured all out, and maybe even my understanding of salvation will change, but for now I am celebrating joyously because God doesn’t expect me to get it! Too bad I had to move to a place with 84% humidity and even higher temperatures to learn that lesson.

I love living in Haiti, regardless of the weather and missing my family and friends back home. I got to be part of a squatting birth on Tuesday and watched God’s miracle of childbirth firsthand. If only Eve hadn’t eaten that fruit…

Hot or cold

So, my choices for a shower are, apparently, as follows:

1. Cold and oh so refreshing with zero water pressure

or

2. Hot and not refreshing at all with terrific-enough pressure to allow me to put conditioner in my hair AND rinse it out, which is a feat in itself

which leaves me in this conundrum…

Why do I care about my shower when I measured a mother’s tummy today that might lose her child? And that it is breaking me apart to not have the knowledge or the equipment to tell her what’s wrong? Or how about the woman who is pregnant and is HIV+ and gained some weight today but still has no hope in her eyes and I can’t do anything to change that? Or the girl who is four years younger than me who is about to become a mom and a woman when she so obviously is not ready?

My battles in this life are so insanely, laughably small compared to what I saw today alone. God is working through Heartline and with these women for sure. I just wish I could heal them all… but then why would they so desperately need Jesus Christ?

The other cheek

This song basically captures my journey in Haiti so far… what I’ve seen, who I’ve held, where I’ve been, what I’ve smelled, what I’ve felt. And I haven’t really done anything yet. God is powerful. What an understatement.

                            

And the problem is this: we were bought with a kiss.
But the cheek still turned, even when it wasn’t hit.
And I don’t know what to do with a love like that.
And I don’t know how to be a love like that.
When all the love in the world is right here among us,
And hatred too. And so we must choose what our hands will do…
Where there is pain, let there be grace.
Where there is suffering, bring serenity.
For those afraid, help them be brave.
Where there is misery, bring expectancy.
And surely we can change; surely we can change something.
And the problem, it seems, is with you and me;
Not the Love who came to repair everything.
Where there is pain, let us bring grace.
Where there is suffering, bring serenity.
For those afraid, let us be brave.
Where there is misery, let us bring them relief.
And surely we can change; surely we can change.
Oh surely we can change something.
Oh, the world’s about to change…
The whole world’s about to change…

Satisfaction.

First day of school: done.

Three kids’ faces: smiling.

Number of times Isaac told me he loved me: 6.

Number of hammer strokes while teaching Hope to read: a billion, give or take.

Prayers of thanksgiving, for sanity, for the kids, for Haiti: same as above.

Day two: ready. Get set. Go.

 

I am glad I am experiencing Haiti with this family. It makes me focus on what’s really important here and helps me see the issues this country faces in a different way. Hard to explain, but just know the Livesays are awesome in general.

Onset to symptoms

Although three members of my Haitian family have malaria, none of the kids beginning school on Monday have it (yet). I’m not sure if they are excited or sad about that. And their teacher doesn’t have it either… I know Paige is praying that changes quickly.

Going over curriculum today. Sounds pretty late right, since I start teaching on Monday? WRONG. I am just waiting on Troy to feel good enough to make my workstation out of Mennonite-approved wood. And for Tara to stop being sick long enough to sew me some new bonnets.

My shower is full of mosquitoes. So even though I want to stay in the cold water for as long as possible, I get bitten multiple times. Current count: 23 and rising. Doesn’t make me want to stay in there past getting all the shampoo out.

HOWEVER, I love this country already. Maybe it’s because I’m surrounded by terrific people. Probably. If only their house doesn’t give me malaria… that will be the true test.

I learned how to do a prenatal exam yesterday. It was fun. Hopefully I can be an asset to Heartline while I’m down here!

Hit on

If a priest gives you his address, email, and phone number, does that count as a come-on? Hmm… something I got to ponder on my flight from Miami to Port au Prince. He was super sweet and was talking to me in Creole for about 5 minutes until he realized I wasn’t answering his questions. All of that was after he asked me in English if this was my first trip to Haiti and I replied ‘yes’.

I landed and the priest said God Bless You and disappeared. I stood in line and turned in my green form without problems. Then to the baggage claim. I waited at the end of the carousel bag thing next to two cops from Miami. I told them my luggage had orange tape on the handles and if they saw it to please tell me. They were cool… but they never saw it. I walked around and discovered a huge pile of bags on the floor. There was bag #1. A very nice, very tall Haitian man saw the orange on my bag and said ‘Wait’ and gave me the universal pointer-finger sign for one minute. Sure enough, here he comes around a corner with my other massive bag. Whew. Go through customs without problems. As I’m walking out, about ten men asked me if I needed help until this big guy comes toward me… I think Troy actually called him Big… and asked who I was looking for. I was hesitant but told him “the Livesays” and he replies “oh oh, yellow! Yellow! I know I know” and grabs my luggage cart and gives it to his lackey. So, I follow them outside and see Troy, Tara, Lydia, and Isaac waving at me with big smiles. It was a great sight.

So, I survived the airport. I know those of you back in Dallas were worried about that, and I thank you for the prayers!

I also survived a tap-tap and a true Haitian market today. More on that later.

Aaron Ivey (a Christian musician guy and friend to Troy and Tara) is here with a team from Austin and they are bringing the curriculum. Should be interesting. And I get ziti for dinner. Ciao.

a grateful heart

I have received my teacher manuals for homeschooling the Livesay bunch, and, I must say, the pictures are hilarious. Really.

I keep forgetting to throw my extra bonnets into my suitcase. Write that down, Viv.

A woman from my church, Kim, works for this company, Cranium Kids. CK works with preschoolers and school-age kids with technology and how to use it to increase understanding of material and general intelligence. They have programs starting with 2 yr olds (Tech Tots... how cute is that?) and go up from there. The results are amazing. Kids are constantly surrounded by computers these days, and learning at an early age with help them forever. WAY TO GO KIM AND NATALEE.

Anyway, they asked me to work one of their camps, and I learned how to do claymation and teach kids how to do it. If you know me well/at all, I'm not the most technology-savvy young woman out there. It was a funny sight for sure. Well, Natalee (the founder of CK) discovers that I'm working to take money with me to Haiti and why I'm moving down there. She asks about the kids and their ages and the subjects I'm going to be teaching them, etc. Natalee then donates software to help them understand basic subjects in a fun way... like Arthur's Reading Race (that super cute aardvark) and I Spy, Jr. and Dr. Seuss' Fun with Numbers. And she is giving me some games for the younger Livesays: Phoebe, Lydia, Annie and Noah, who aren't even my responsibility! I didn't even ask for them. She just told me during lunch that she was going to give me a gift before I finished on Thursday and that it was something she really wanted to do.

God is good. He knew (of course) that the only thing I was nervous about was being a good enough teacher for these awesome kids. I mean, seriously, the Livesays are trusting me with their kids' education here. Insane right? Well, just when I have the lowest self-confidence ever, here comes a swift kick to the butt to remind who is in control. Ahh. He is terrific.

So, thanks to Natalee and Kim for two great weeks and for all the brilliant software that will help me be a better teacher. Isaac and Hope will thank them too, I'm sure... although Paige might be sad she didn't get any fun games. I will have to figure something else out for a freshman! :)

CHANGE

I am moving to Haiti on August 29th to help out an awesome family... the Livesays. I will be homeschooling three of their wonderful children and working with Heartline Ministries whenever they tell me to.

This is totally different than what I planned to do this fall, which was grad school in El Paso. However, that is exactly why everything has changed: MY PLANNING. Not God's. Yes, multiple doors were opened for me in EP, and part of me was so ready to be there. To help people on the border and become completely bilingual and get a foot in the EP med school. To experience a completely different life in the same state. To become an adult.

When I graduated in May I had an odd pit in my stomach, like the feeling you get when everything isn't right, or how you know something big is about to happen and you have no control over it, or just living in the dust of Jesus' feet and having previous knowledge of inner peace... and that peace no longer being there. The absence of calm. The absence of control.

I am, in no way/shape/form, a control freak. According to my parents, I generally 'fly by the seat of my pants.' But this decision was different. Was special. Was only made through God's grace and amazing power to change hearts. Like the way Buckner is donating SIX MONTHS of health insurance, which would normally be $618 a month and would have prevented me from going. Or the way my parents, who were skeptical and didn't understand my reasons and my complete turn around from desiring grad school to desiring a completely different life, have supported me and helped me in decoding the desires God has placed in my heart vs. the desires of my human heart. Or the way an American doctor goes to church with the Livesays and can help me out if anything lupie happens while I'm there. Or the way God has answered all my prayers and showed me so many times that He wants me there.

I went to Lubbock in early July, before this move was a sure thing, to tell my friends and ask for prayer and say goodbye for a year, just in case. I learned 3 things up there: 1) Amanda, a friend I met this past year and instantly connected with, helped build the Heartline clinic with her church group; 2) Kendal, another friend I had to wait until my last semester to meet, went to Haiti on a mission trip, loved it, and is going back; 3) even if every single one of my friends thinks I am insane, which is probable, they are super excited for me. God used that trip in so many ways. I knew I wanted to go, but I just needed confirmation that it was the right decision for me, at the right time, with the right family, in the right country. You know, just right. And He gave it to me. Not just through those 3 things but through prayer too.

So, I'm leaving this great state of Texas and moving to Port-au-Prince, into a guest house with plenty of room and internet. COME visit. You won't get kidnapped or beat up or whatever else the U.S. government wants you to believe about Haiti. Sure, it can be dangerous. Yes, I'm going to stick out because I'm the color of a ghost. BUT if this is what God wants, and I am 187% positive it is, then I am in the safest place in the world.

Learning

First of all, super big CONGRATULATIONS to Mandy and Brandon on the arrival of Andy Earl! The cell phone picture from Christen was so handsome and I can't wait to meet him for real!

After graduating college, I returned home to a new and different world. Few of my friends are around Dallas, and the ones that are here (for summer or live here permanently) have drastically changed in ways that I didn't see from Lubbock. Maybe I've grown up and changed. Or maybe I haven't changed and they have. I don't know, but I don't like it. I'm lonesome around here. But that will quickly change because...

Adrienne is coming back home! She gets here on Thursday! Yes. Finally.

I finished my first week of EMT classes on the wrong side of the teacher. Whoops. It is one of the easiest classes I have ever taken. I guess after Genetics of Microorganisms, most stuff will feel like a breeze!

Clinton is getting married this weekend. Weird. I grew up thinking he would marry Christen (ha) and he has found the perfect woman for him... Courtney! Congrats. I will be making the horrific drive to Midland with Christen and my fam... yep. Eleven hours of wedding bliss. But I am happy to go for a great friend!

So I'm considering not going to UTEP in the fall and moving to the border to do mission work. I will have my certification so I could work in a clinic or a hospital or on an ambulance crew. Whatev. I could take classes online to get my Masters... I just don't know. Part of me just isn't ready to start my graduate career yet, because once I move to a place where I want to go to med school, it's at least a four year commitment. And I'm single, not a parent, and only 21. So if I'm going to do something drastic and completely different for a year, now is the time to do it!

To end this saga for now, I'm summer job hunting. So if you hear of anyone hiring for nights and weekends let me know! Please!

Off to study and cough out a lung (bronchitis for the third time this year) -Viv

Donesky

Tech=0. Vivien=5, almost 6

I have begun my final semester at Texas Tech University, and I am taking absolutely zero science classes. My schedule goes like this... feel free to be completely jealous :)

Tuesdays/Thursdays: 9:30 Gendered Lives with my boss as the prof

11 Intro to Creative Writing, Service-Learning Edition

12:30 Business and Professional Communication (glorified speech class)

2 Intro to Drama 

Wednesdays: 1 Karate... yep, I'm serious. 

Annnnnd that's it! I only have one final to take during finals week. Oh leaving easy classes for my last semester has been one of the best decisions of my life.

I'm taking the GRE on January 30th and then, hopefully, will be going to UTEP in the fall for their International Public Health masters program. I"m super excited but am also still looking at other international PH programs around the country... maybe I need to get out of Texas for awhile? El Paso is as far as you can get and still be in the state, but I'm keeping my options open!

I am counting down the days until the Denver conference. My project is going to be really neat. I will post pictures, I promise!

Also happening in April... the Walk for Lupus Awareness! It's the last Saturday in April and is a 5k in Farmers Branch at 9. My team is Vivien's Valiant Voyagers... much to Amanda Brock's dismay. I think it is cute and very me, so whatever Mandy! Get over it! Anyway, anyone can join the team, walk, donate, or walk and donate! My team's website is here, and you can either sponsor me, my mom, whoever else joins between now and the time you donate, or the team in general. Or you can join the team and get other people to donate! It's whatever! I would love for you to walk with me and my family and friends. Plus, you get a t-shirt! :) Amanda said she is the chief financial officer... so I guess if you have questions I would ask her! Love you Mandy.

I miss Gabriel and Carina and Axel and Lily and Johnathan and Andrea and Sander... and everything else that is Guatemala to me. Two of my greatest friends are not in the US right now, and I just feel so jealous of them. I know Christ has me in the states until He has prepared me for wherever He tells me to go, but sometimes I wish He would tell me already and give me an open door to get there. And if He is going to tell me to stay put, I wish He would go ahead and tell me so I can begin the heart-healing process. Ahh, I've just been thinking about the future so much since I'm about to be a college grad! I still can hardly believe it.

I'm starting to run... which is something I have loved in the past but haven't been able to in the present. It feels so exhilarating the day after, when your muscles are sore but you feel good about yourself for actually increasing your healthiness! My knees are killing me though, so that's the only downside. Oh well.

Doctor appointment on January 28th. Hopefully everything will be okay. My meds aren't working right now, so yay for an increase in toxins entering my body after that day!

Well, it's journal time... yes, I have to journal everyday as part of the creative writing process. Haha I don't have anymore ridiculously hard science classes but I have tons of busy work! 

I'm going home the weekend before my birthday, so if you are going to be in the Dallas area let me know!